Better Man: Using Skills to Build Confidence and Become a Happier, More Effective Human Being
Hello friends.
I was looking through my old bookmarks this morning (I bookmark almost everything I find interesting or insightful, you should too) and came across an old article from Cracked.com written by Jason Pargin. You should read it:
6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person
Over the last 10 years this article has amassed millions of views and supposedly changed hundreds of lives. While I cannot point to it as having single-handedly changed by own life, it definitely put into words a notion I’ve held but have never been great at articulating:
You are What You Do, and Nothing Else.
Let’s do a self-inventory: Describe yourself and your competencies in terms of your Achievements and Results, NOT Your Claimed Skills.
Examples of Claimed Skills
“I’m a talented entrepreneur”
“I’m skilled with a firearm”
“I’m a good person”
Examples of Achievements and Results
I’ve built E-commerce sites that have done 1 million in yearly revenue
I’ve achieved Grand Master rank in pistol shooting competitions
I spend 5 hours each week volunteering at a soup kitchen, feeding thousands of meals to the homeless
This “Measure of a Man” upsets a lot of people, particularly young men that have not had a lot of achievement early on in their lives, and lack confidence.
But I refuse to be followed by doomers and incels. So if you’re in a rut, we’re gonna fix that shit Right Quick.
If you’re dissatisfied with the Achievements and Results you’ve amassed by this time in your life, you need to go out there and DO STUFF. Learning skills are great, but it’s even more important that you USE those skills to make your life better. Skills that don’t actually, you know, do anything might as well not be skills at all. Here’s some of the tips I’ve learned along the way towards using skills to build confidence.
If you learn anything that can be used in a competitive setting, ALWAYS go out and compete.
One of my largest criticisms of BJJ, as a former wrestler, is that BJJ guys rarely go 100% in their sparring. In wrestling, you usually end up going full-contact, full ass-kicking in your training at least once a week because competition runs concurrently with training. If you do BJJ for any amount of sustained duration, please don’t be content to *only* train and climb up the belt ranks. Combat sports are SPORTS, not a real life RPG where you grind XP to unlock new gear. Get into some competitions early on.
Similarly, all too often I’ll see a new shooter purchase a gun, make sure they know how to use it at the bare minimum level of proficiency, and then never train again. Where’s the fun in that? Get your buddies together, grab a shot timer, and see who can get the best score on the FBI Qualification.
NOTE: I’m dead serious about getting a shot timer. You absolutely 100% need one if you’re serious about getting better at shooting. Here’s a link to a popular one
ALWAYS take yourself out of your comfort zone
There was a very profound moment in one of Jordan Peterson’s interviews with Joe Rogan where they discussed how almost everything in life is like weight lifting.
You challenge yourself through Progressive Overload (how may times have you heard someone like Bowtied Ox or AJAC talk about progressive overload??) and those tiny incremental steps are the only way you build competency at anything. In addition to that progress, that point of challenging yourself to the best of your ability is deeply fulfilling on a Neurological level. Challenging yourself, whether you succeed or fail, FEELS GOOD.
Going back to my example of BJJ: When I started competing in BJJ tournaments, I was thrown against seasoned Blue Belts in competition even though I had only 2 months of training (thanks NAGA rules!). Needless to say, I got my ass kicked. A LOT. But it only made me want to train harder and get better. It was its own reward just to compete and proving to myself that I was getting better. After only a year, I was regularly placing at those same tournaments, usually coming up just behind guys who were preparing to get their Purple Belt.
Putting yourself outside of your comfort zone is the only way we ever get better at anything. It’s the only way we grow as human beings. A lot of people stop growing because they’re too scared, too comfortable to bother. That’s a state of life little better than death. You should ALWAYS be learning and improving yourself in one way or another, and using your skills to achieve new things. And that brings me to the final point:
MONETIZE Your Skills, Wherever Possible
Nothing makes you more confident in your own abilities than having people pay you for them.
Unless you work some kind of hellish corporate or professional job, you probably have some free time on your hands you would do well to monetize. I’ve used my Law Enforcement and Investigations experience to do all sorts of fun things since joining the Jungle, and chances are you have some skills people will pay you for, too. Nothing makes you better at Doing the Thing than Getting Paid to Do The Thing
You spend too much time playing videogames? Stream that shit or make a gaming channel.
Spend a lot of time in the gym and know what you’re doing? Time to channel your inner Rich Piana. It’s absurd how many fitness bros I know who have all of the personality and talent to find their niche and get paid for it, but are too afraid to take the first steps. Meanwhile there’s literal children getting millions of views on TikTok and promotional ad deals because they had the cojones to put themselves out there and build a personal brand. Say what you want about Zoomers, but those kids know how to put in work.
Even if your desires are not material, exposure and monetization is the key driver of success in anything. Say you want to help the poor, or the social cause of your choice. It’s up to **you** to get the word out there, and get donations coming in to help.
Money and Attention is what keeps the American Way of Life moving. In the words of Mr. French from The Departed:
But Caiman, all of this sounds like shallow Hustle and Grind nonsense peddled by douchebags. There’s more to life and happiness than money.
You sound like a Communist, but you have a point.
There IS more to life than just money, there’s also morality and virtue. So now would be a good time to point out that Hard Work and Industriousness are a virtue recognized by pretty much every single society and world religion in human history.
Even that famous hippy, Jesus Christ
Why is that? Because Humans Need Things. And People need to step up and provide Those Things. Being a Producer and not just a Consumer isn’t just good for you in material terms, it makes you a wiser, happier, more moral person. So go out there and PRODUCE.
That’s all I have for today. I hope reading this drives at least one person to make a change for the better in their lives. Until next time, folks.
Thank you, this is really good stuff.